HOW TO TALK ON A DATE

Dating is a fun, exciting experience, but it can be a little nerve-wracking if you don’t have much experience in it.


Thinking about what you’re going to say, how you're going to say it, or how you are going to act can all feel overwhelming but it doesn’t have to be! While there aren’t any set “rules” for dating, if you keep a few guidelines in mind, you can make sure that you and your date both have a good time as you get to know each other more.


Nervous mistakes are simply a part of dating. You might trip over your words and say something you think is utterly stupid. Instead of taking yourself too seriously and letting the awkward moment get to you, try making a joke at your own expense. Luckily, some people think it's cute if their date is a little nervous.


When you're on a date, the way that you talk can be just as important as what you say. If you want to make a good impression, it's important to use open body language, smile often, have a confident tone, and keep your confidence.


You should also use open-ended questions to keep the conversation flowing and make sure to maintain eye contact. It's also important to express interest in your date's thoughts and give subtle compliments. Finally, don't interrupt your date - let them finish their thoughts before jumping in!

Open Body Language


When you are having a conversation, your body language can be just as important as the words you say.

From our facial expressions to our body movements, the things we don't say can still convey volumes of information.


Begin with open, flirty body language. To keep things smooth, focus on keeping your chin up, shoulders back, chest out, and spine up straight when either sitting or standing.


Whether you’re sitting or standing, angle your body toward your date. This lets your date know that you’re paying attention and listening to them. This also helps you make eye contact with your date, which can make you feel more connected.


If you’re walking around, don’t worry about facing your date (since that might be tough).

If you’re sitting at a table, scoot in close so you can hear every word your date is saying. If you’re on a park bench, angled slightly inwards so your body faces theirs.


Push your shoulders back, line your neck up with your chest, and engage your abs slightly to keep your posture (and your body) looking good. Try not to overthink it, though! If you feel stiff or awkward, just sit or stand like you normally would.


Going on a date is all about being open with another person. Try to keep your legs in a neutral position when you sit down.


Similarly, you should keep your arms uncrossed, too. Crossing your arms can make you look angry or disinterested in your date, and no one wants that!

Smile Often

 

This can help a lot. It shows that you are enjoying the conversation and that you feel comfortable, which will make your date continue talking with you.

 

Try to have a natural expression that has your lips slightly upturned in a smile, and at the appropriate moments, smile bigger and grin.

 

You don't have to smile the whole time, but smiling at key moments at the beginning of a conversation can make the date feel appreciated. If she/he says something funny, laugh.

 

Smiling will put the girl/boy at ease and will make her/him feel like you really like what she/he has to say. Don't smile the whole time, obviously, or you'll look nervous, or even constipated.

Confident Tone


Confident communicators use a calm confident tone instead of trying to find the "perfect words." They know that there is no script or playbook that they can use every time to be a smooth talker. What actually matters is not what is said but how it is said, and that is luckily easy to control. Confident communicators:


  • Use clear sentences.
  • Speak slowly to avoid mumbling.
  • Hold solid eye contact, smile, and nod when listening or talking.
  • Keep up a slight smile when speaking, unless the conversation turns to something more serious.


Calm confident communication comes naturally to some people, while others have to work at it a bit harder.


Either way, it is a skill that is well worth developing because it conveys a message of authority and sincerity. People who communicate confidently are generally seen as more credible and trustworthy than those who don't, so it's definitely a skill worth perfecting if you want to be successful in life.

Keep Confidence

 

Be confident in yourself and don't be afraid of saying something stupid. If you're not afraid then you probably won't. Just keep engaging her/him and be okay with the occasional awkward exchange, silence, or story that you had trouble telling the right way. Stay positive, relaxed, and happy, and she/he will have even more fun talking to you. Don't be too self-deprecating, even if you think it'll make her/him laugh, or she/he will think you have a low self-image.

 

You don't have to brag to be confident. You can talk about how much you love baseball without telling her/him that you're a star athlete.

 

One sign of confidence is being able to laugh at yourself. This will show her/him that you don't take yourself too seriously.

Open-ended Questions

 

First dates can be a little awkward. Going on a date is all about getting to know the other person. If you aren't sure what to talk about, ask your date questions they can give long answers to instead of just "yes" or "no."

 

Try something like, "What was the highlight of your day?" Whatever their answer is will be something that makes them excited or passionate, so it's a good way to subtly learn more about the things they really love.

 

You could also ask:

 

  • "What’s your favorite thing to do for fun?"
  • "What’s your favorite place on earth?"
  • "Do you have any pets / want any pets?"
  • "What’s a fun, random fact about you?"
  • "What’s something you’d like to learn or wish you were better at?"
  • "What’s one thing you’re really proud of?"

Eye Contact in a Conversation

 

Make eye contact while you're talking. This is another way to make your date feel special. You don't have to stare into her/his eyes like you're searching for your own reflection and creep her/him out, but you should make a point of giving her/him all of your attention, and not looking down at your phone or scoping out the room to see if anyone more interesting has walked by. You can break eye contact every once in a while, but only to keep things interesting, not to show that you're bored.

 

Making eye contact shows confidence. If you make a point of locking eyes with the girl/boy, she/he will see that you're confident about getting to know her/him.

Express Interest in Thoughts

 

Express interest in their thoughts and opinions. Listen intently when they speak. They like people that listen to them and like what they say. Don't constantly interrupt them to state your opinion; let them talk and share thoughts with you.

 

However, show that you're listening by nodding, saying "yes" or "no" at the appropriate times, and answering their questions.

 

Ask them what they think about whatever it is you care about your favorite music, the new fashion trends this season, or the importance of friendship.

 

Though it's important to ask for their opinion, try to avoid talking about religion or politics immediately, or you may get into an argument you didn't anticipate.

 

When they say something, make sure you respond and show that you're listening by rephrasing what they say occasionally.

 

You can say, "I completely agree with what you said about how hard it is to stay in touch with friends who move out of town..." to show that you're hanging on to their every word.

Subtle Compliment

 

Give them a subtle compliment. You should compliment an aspect of their personality or their looks without freaking them out to show them that you care. If you like their type of music or the books they read, tell them that they have great taste. It's all right to complement their clothes, hair, or jewelry, but you'll really win their heart if they see that you're into more than just their outside. Also, if you're feeling super confident, why not compliment them in a flirty way?

 

If you're going for the physical compliment, don't do more than complement their clothes, hair, or in more intimate cases, their eyes. It's not time to freak them out by telling them how hot they are before they even know your last name.

 

If they have a great laugh, don't be afraid to tell them that.

Do Not Interrupt

 

It's essential not to break in on your date while they're speaking. You might have queries or they may remind you of your own experiences when your date is talking.

 

You should avoid butting in if your date is speaking whenever it's not required, even though it isn't. This shows that you respect what they have to say.

 

When you ask your date questions, really stop and listen to what they’re saying. Absorb the information they tell you so you can get to know them better and see if you’d like to continue the relationship.

 

You can also ask follow-up questions to whatever they tell you to show that you were listening.

 

It can be tough to really listen when you’re nervous, especially if you’re thinking of what to say next. It’s okay if you can’t memorize everything your date says right now!

Stay Positive

 

People like hanging out with people who make them laugh, feel happy and have a positive outlook on the world.

 

If you're feeling grumpy or like the world is against you, then it's not the best day to approach a date.

 

Talk about the things and people that make you happy and focus on the positive experiences you've both had; when you get to know each other better, you can talk more about the negative stuff, too, but if you want to keep them engaged at first, then you should set a decidedly positive tone.

 

You can even catch yourself if you're having a negative moment. If they ask you how traffic was getting there and you say, "Terrible," fix the negatively by saying, "But I'm really loving this new audiobook I'm listening to," or "But I saw the cutest family of deer on the way over."

 

If they ask you about a certain band that you really hate, you can say something like, "I haven't really heard enough of their music" or "They're not my favorite, but they're pretty good." Don't go off on a rant about how much you hate something when you're first talking to a date.

How To Talk On A Date - Conclusion


Most people underestimate the power of simply asking questions and listening to find out what conversation they care about.


Conversation is about finding common ground and building a good relationship from there. Smooth talk is no different you just want to take a step back and let him/her show you their interests.


Once you know what they are interested in, you can start tailoring your conversation to fit both of your shared interests. In reality, smooth talk for dating is much more about listening than saying anything.


So, the next time you're on a date, remember to ask lots of questions and really listen to the answers. It'll make for smoother sailing all around.